So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We left the knife in your bed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
