doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
