if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
