he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
