Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
