Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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