So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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