Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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