Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize