Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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