i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
