It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he thought i was a dude.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
