We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
