I wanna bring you to show and tell
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize