If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this will be a night to untag.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
