We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
