Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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