I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
