It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
