I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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