you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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