he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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