shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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