Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
