Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
