How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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