I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
