some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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