Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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