btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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