Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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