I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My liver is preforming stress tests.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
