I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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