she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
