i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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