you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
