We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
