ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
