A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
