I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
