If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
