Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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