the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
