I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
