i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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