he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
