Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
