After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
