my phone needs a breathalizer
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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