Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
