i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
