he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
