He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
