how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
