DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
