literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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