She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
