You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
