I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
