he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He shit in the fireplace
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
