bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
