your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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