quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
