Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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