I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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