it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize