she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize