Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
