just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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