i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
