I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
