I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
