I just cut my nipple shaving
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
