I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
