he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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