I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
