So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
