i already hear my dad disowning me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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