your thong is hanging out like whoa
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
