I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
