i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
