Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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