i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
