no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
