Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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