His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
