You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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